Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
