'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
