Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize