Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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