OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
