Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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