She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How external is "for external use only"?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
