Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
