so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
