All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
