So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
