so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
