everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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