If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
