the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
