Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
