Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
