I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
zippers are such a cool invention
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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