i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The adults are the big ones right?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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