oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
