i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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