I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
