What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
