LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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