She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
