I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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