Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
