I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
