You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
