i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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