That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
