Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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