the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
