Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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