Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
