Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
