where am i from again
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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