Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
