please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
