So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
