im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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