do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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