God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
