I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
