You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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