he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
