i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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