WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
