Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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