in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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