So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
