This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
