i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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