Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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