I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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