i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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