I can text with my tongue
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
