im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the condom got lost in my hair
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Randomize
