Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
