Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
