Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
