he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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