I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
