I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
