i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
