I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
