So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
