there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize