On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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