me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
