Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
