Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
