My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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